QED To All the Haters
I was reading this month’s issue of The Atlantic and in amongst an unrelated but interesting psychology article about the science of self were these quotes which relate to a debate I’ve been in increasingly over the past few months.
First, from the introduction:
[I]f you ask people about their greatest happiness in life, more than a third mention their children or grandchildren, but when they use a diary to record their happiness, it turns out that taking care of the kids is a downer—parenting ranks just a bit higher than housework, and falls below sex, socializing with friends, watching TV, praying, eating, and cooking.
And, more in depth:
[W]e are often mistaken about what makes us happy. Consider again what happens when we have children. Pretty much no matter how you test it, children make us less happy. The evidence isn’t just from diary studies; surveys of marital satisfaction show that couples tend to start off happy, get less happy when they have kids, and become happy again only once the kids leave the house. As the psychologist Daniel Gilbert puts it, “Despite what we read in the popular press, the only known symptom of ‘empty-nest syndrome’ is increased smiling.” So why do people believe that children give them so much pleasure? Gilbert sees it as an illusion, a failure of affective forecasting. Society’s needs are served when people believe that having children is a good thing, so we are deluged with images and stories about how wonderful kids are. We think they make us happy, though they actually don’t.
I am fairly certain this means I win the debate.
Long-term projects (like raising children, buying a home or running for president) take more time, effort and pain to realize but I think the happiness received from doing them is greater.
It seems like instantaneous measurement of happiness might not capture the pride received from looking back at your life and realizing you’ve done something pretty cool. Hanging out with friends and watching TV rarely give you that amount of satisfaction.
By Brent on Nov 10, 2008
Michael wins.
By Jacob on Nov 10, 2008
Brent: You clearly underestimate the amount of pride I have in having watched all five seasons of The Wire.
By plumpy on Nov 10, 2008
I am in favor of raising children, but only as livestock. I’m totally down, but I have a (admittedly sexist) fear that I will eventually settle down with someone who agrees with me… for about a year.
By Abe on Nov 11, 2008
Hmm…I would agree that parenting is a pretty rough gig. Sleep deprivation combined with an inability to effectively communicate and dirty diapers makes for a great deal of unpleasantness. Then your kid giggles and all of that dissolves into one humongous pile of sappy parent-child love.
By Christie on Nov 26, 2008